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Are you working?
What kind of work do you do?
These are the opening lines to a song by Gang Starr named "Ti-Daw".
I'm not entirely sure what Ti-Daw means, but I presume that it has something to do with being "on top" or successful.
This the first song I put in my hype playlist in 2018 while building Forij.
My get-pumped-up playlist.
The pre-big-meeting-that-feels-out-of-my-league playlist.
The playlist is focused on getting me in the zone and bringing confidence to me when I need it most.
My social presence doesn't always effectively communicate this, but most of the time I'm terrified.
Let me repeat that - most of the time, I am terrified.
Sometimes I wonder "If I knew what I was getting in to at the beginning, would I have ventured down this path?"
The loneliness. The anxiety. The sadness. The lows. The work. The expectations. The interrupted sleep. The sacrifices.
Sometimes it feels like too much.
Ti-Daw realigns my soul & my mind.
My soul is HUNGRY.
Hungry for more. For fulfillment. For success. For happiness. For freedom. For autonomy. For Opportunities only unlocked by fame, fortune or who you know.
These things are attainable in many ways.
A lot of these ways are much easier than the path I've chose.
I envy Cyber-geniuses who understand the internet's algorithm and can build million dollar businesses in month behind a computer.
I wish I was them sometimes.
And then my soul meets my mind & I remember that this isn't the path that I'd enjoy at all.
Money is not what I'm after.
It's about fulfillment.
I like people. I like building. I find joy in taking the hard road. Climb the hill.
I wear my feats on my heart like accolades.
I love the fact that I completed an Ironman in 103 degree heat.
I don't hide this fact.
Yes, these "great feats" provide external validation.
But also, and more importantly, as self-reference points for my courage.
Items of comfort when I stand on the ledge determining if I should jump.
Take the next risk or not.
Can I weather this storm? Will this be too much for me? Will I break?
I'm never sure, but each difficult obstacle that I surpass offers confidence, even if it's false.
Confidence to take the next risk.
Confidence to push the limits just a bit further.
Confidence to get courageous.
To, in spite of all signs saying that the big fat scary obstacle in my face is IMPOSSIBLE… NEVER GOING TO WORK…
I take the step forward and move one step at a time. Ignoring the cliff right in front of me.
Trusting myself to find a solution.
Putting myself in a corner to figure it out. Solve the problem.
Build, ship & iterate.